I dreamed about him. Out of nowhere. I don’t know why. I think he was telling me we have to remember him. He would have turned 28 a few weeks ago. But turns out he’ll be 23 forever.
My first boyfriend. The sweetest, cutest of them all. The one who bought me a magnificent bouquet of yellow roses on our first month anniversary, right before I broke up with him. The guy I sneaked out of religion class to go get pizza and crash Cadbury eggs on the school brick wall. My good friend.
We grew apart. Nonetheless, it hurts when I stumble upon pictures from my other high school sweethearts over Facebook. Even from afar, I’m happy to know they’re good, to check in from time to time, to follow their life from a distance. As it should be.
Or is it? Who says we’ve got this right to live when others are dying so young? It’s not a right, it’s a privilege.
We know it, yet we tend to forget it so easily. In the midst of it all, we lose touch with our humanity. We get caught in some sort of race, preoccupied about our identity, our accomplishments, our belongings. We get excited over projects, we think ahead of ourselves, we make plans for the future.
“Wouldn’t it be cool if…? If I had all the money in the world, I would love to do…?If I knew no one would judge me, I would…? ” asks one creative entrepreneur, prompting us to follow our passion and dream big.
Do it. Just do it. Go ahead and dream big. But please, never at the expense of enjoying to the fullest what is right in front of you. What’s in you. That breath is the most delicious thing you’ll ever taste. That energy in your body, that vital force within, is what we’re all here to experience.
Move it. Direct all that stamina towards what makes you feel more. Build up that strength, become the powerhouse you are meant to be. Live through the ups and downs, experience the whole spectrum of emotions, through the brightest days and the loneliest nights.
You know what the spirits say when they get access to a channel? They tell us it’s all light and love. Why worry so much then? Their body doesn’t get in the way. They don’t understand why our minds play games with us. It’s so easy for them to see clearly.
Yet I believe it’s not as fun. The path is the point. Finding our course through the confusion, the obstacles, the smokescreens put in front of us can be so entertaining, once we find the stability and stillness we need in order to do so.
All this to say I’m blessed, and so are you if you’re reading this. I have no words, which is not to be sniffled at, to tell you how grateful I am for this human experience. I love you.
In honor of the recent deaths of young men around me, I will rise up to the dignity of this gift of life, and take in every breath as if it was the last one, nevertheless hoping for this ride to keep on going forever.
This breath that allows me to do both at the same time, dream big and go home.