Oh Brian Tracy. If a man knows about success, isn’t it him? Not a huge fan of all his selling strategies, which reminds me of guys wanting to sell cars in old ads, but still. His Psychology of Achievement series changed my perspective on life, got me to fall in love with myself, which then got me to love others even more.
One of the most important keys to success for Brian is to “give without expectations”. That’s one of the principles I’m working on right now, as I truly believe it can make a huge difference in the way we communicate and share life experience.
If you come to think about it, giving without expectations is in fact the only way to truly give. Giving with the expectation of receiving back is simply a trade, and no generosity is involved. And if you’re a regular giver, you know how great it makes you feel to give. In fact, there are a lot of benefits related to compassion and giving.
Giving without expectations to reach success
In a society where equality is very valued, giving without expectations to become successful appears to be counterintuitive for most of us (well, it used to for me for sure). How come could it end up being fair? What if I give and give and give but then don’t get anything back. Not fair right?
Being a woman, I’m especially careful about equality, as I stand behind all the women who defended our rights to bring us where we’re now and want to set the bar for all the generations to come. How could I give without expecting anything back, without keeping records of anything, and not being used by someone else? Just like Rihanna, I’m very much concerned with “all of my kindness being taken for weakness“.
But then, what is there to do? One of the key learnings I made through my training at Lululemon was that happiness and satisfaction in life is not about what you have or what you do, it only depends on who you be. And the magic about that is even if you’re confronted in your life with a situation where you don’t have any control on what you have or what you do, you still get to choose everyday who you want to be.
Therefore, you only have one question to ask yourself: “How does giving make me feel?” As for myself, I feel even better when I’m giving than when I’m receiving (def something I’m working on, learning to accept and enjoy receiving). I choose to give without expectations, because it’s not about what I’ll get at the end, but much more about who I get to be now when I act that way, and how good it makes me feel.
Giving without expectations with your favorite person
Giving without expectations also applies to my daily life and within my relationships. I firmly believe that love is all about that: giving without counting, without overthinking, without wishing for something to come from that gift.
Again, I often found myself wondering if I’m being too nice, doing too much, receiving enough in return. Are the chores splitted equally between my boyfriend and I? Is it fair if I cook dinner more often than him? Who did more laundry this week?
Just writing it down makes me feel foolish. Even if I was cooking more than him (which is not true, he makes a fabulous spaghetti sauce), he does a bunch of other stuff I hate to do (cat litter box cleaning anyone?). When I let things go, not asking him all the time to do stuff because I did something else and it has to be fair and otherwise I’m not being a feminist and dah-dah-dah (with that so-not-sexy and complaining voice), he naturally makes it happen. Seeing me give without expectations is the best motivation for him to eventually do the same.
And the beautiful thing about that too is that it frees up my mind, leaving me thinking about much more positive things, and letting me feel all the love I have for him. Therefore, I’m practicing more and more the letting go, and trusting that within a loving relationship (the love is an essential part of it to work though), you do not have to count. Giving without expectations, for the pleasure of giving, is a wonderful thing.
Wish you all a beautiful relationship where you’ll be able to let go to feel the simplicity and greatness of authentic generosity.