Killing your darlin’

August 22, 2019

At some point you know it’s time. Time to let go. Time to move on. 

I can’t say I’m feeling this time has come. However,  after four years of writing every week in this sacred space I created, I’m wondering. Has everything been said? 

Of course not. I still have so much to tell and share. This deep longing to write urges me to get back on my Mac every time I force myself to keep quiet. 

And I love Dare To Be Jolly. I can’t resolve to kill my darling. It’s so me it hurts. There are some posts in here I’d rather no one sees. How pretentious was I to believe I could share some lessons? Why the hell did I tell the world about my failed attempts at dating, my soul-crushing breakup? Without even mentioning the posts revealing my anxiety. 

It’s real, it’s raw, it’s a 100% me. Nowhere to hide. 

That’s precisely why I’m wondering. On the verge of turning 30, I’m debating the tempting option of getting a fresh start and offering myself a blank canvas. Wouldn’t it be liberating to free myself from the past, put this blog in a box (let’s say a book) and go back to being a secretive wonderful human being?

But I can’t. Or maybe I can. I just choose not to. Yet.

I still need that virtual home for my unbounded soul. Just like my parents’ home, I might not get to visit often, but I feel comforted knowing it’s there for me whenever I crave a safe territory to express my full self. 

Yes, in front of strangers and whoever wants to read it. Even work colleagues and potential clients and future husband.

If they take the time to read, yes, they’ll know. They’ll find out how immature I am. They’ll read about my flaws, and how dumb it is to be sharing those publicly (WTF?). 

Why would anyone even do this to themselves. I don’t know. I can only speak for myself, which is exactly my problem, because not only can I speak, but I also can’t seem to keep it to myself. I have to tell you what I care about, what I’m going through, and how all this wild and blissful life of mine is unfolding.

Do you care? Probably not. I hope you don’t actually. Don’t take it personal : it’s about you, and it’s not about you. What I care about is leaving a legacy, as small and as unmeaningful as it may be, and the only way I found so far to do so is through DTBJ. 

Until the next big bold creative adventure shows up, you can expect me to pop up here and there. Don’t worry baby, I’m not killing you tonight. 

Just doing some house-cleaning here. MarieKondoing the shit out of you. Archiving those old posts to create space for something new. 

I’m getting back to the essence and foundations. It took me a whole summer to pick those three categories four years ago, and I’m sticking with them. I never planned to open so much about ,my personal life, when it wasn’t meant to be that way. 

From now on, you can expect me to share about yoga, books, and of course life, hopefully in a more thoughtful way, exposing less of my intimate life yet still offering my wholeheartedly the best work I can.    

Thank you for your support, your kind messages, your love throughout those four years. See you in a while.

Sat Nam. 

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