The cards tell me, the stars too. Three Major Arcanas in my last tarot spread: they speak louder than words. The Major Arcana means profound opportunities, challenges or turning points ahead. As if I needed the cards to reveal that. The Hanging man, the Star and the Sun are rooted deep down in me. The fear of letting go, the challenge of trusting, and the infinite light that keeps on shining in my heart no matter what.
There was also the Three of pentacles. The card of teamwork, determination and focus. Apparently there is a mountain to conquer on my way, and I need discipline, strategy and hard work to reach the summit.
I’ve always known there was a mountain. I felt instantly at home in Tadasana, mountain pose. The immensity, the feeling on being on top of the world. I am always attracted to mountains. In Spain, in France, even in Montreal, I need to get above everything, closer and closer to the sky, head in the clouds.
The thing is that even if I know there is one, I don’t know which one it is. If only I knew what mountain to climb. Maybe it’s more like the Mariana Trench so well-named, the deepest point on Earth. So hard to get to the bottom, to know what’s hidden in there, to let it reveal its secrets.
So there I find myself, full of energy, full of Easter’s chocolate, full of love and life, without any mission. I am more than comfortable, I have much more than I need, but you know that: happiness is boring. It’s been a week since I sent the first draft of my literature review, and I am already in need of some food for thoughts. I read through all the blog posts I’ve missed over the last three months, started learning more about the yoga sutras and the Bhagavad Gita, practiced as much yoga as I wanted, slept, cooked, cleaned up the whole house. I am still hungry.
When I’m bored I usually start working more, throwing myself into some sort of task to prevent the emotional ebb and flow. I don’t want anymore. I’m tired of doing useless stuff, of thinking by myself, working by myself, caring about myself.
I don’t know. The cards help, but they can’t tell the future. What is there to do then? Not much I realize. I’ve already done a lot. I am already working hard. Now it’s time for the Universe to come in and jazz things up. I don’t need to create challenges and drama. I don’t need to ruminate over and over the same questions. Life will provide the problems and the solutions, the questions and the answers. Ishvara Pranidhana. My teacher always translated it as « Elevate your soul to the Universal soul », which I really liked. I only found out about the usually way to translate it last week, which goes as follows: « Surrender to the Lord ». I told you, life provides. A wonderful translation for each time along the way.
That’s the work I need to do I guess. No need to worry: simply learn to read the cards, the stars, but most of all, the signs life provide, heart wide open to what is.