The idea is appealing, for sure. No uncertainty, to work to do to get to know each other, no time wasted. It’s right here, right now. Wouldn’t it be magical if you could meet your person, get married in less than six months and become a two plus one in less than a year? After all, you are not getting any younger, where’s the ring on your finger? When are those babies gonna come?
So we dream about that significant other, the one who will save us from the meanders of Bumble and Tinder, who will look into our eyes and tell us that we are the one. Finally! We knew he would come along.
You are on for the long ride, or so you think. This is it. It feels like such a relief, doesn’t it? Even if you knew that you were already complete, that a relationship is just the cherry on top of your already amazing life sundae, deep down there was a part of you that doubted, hoped for someone to confirm how worthy you are of love and joy.
Sorry to burst your bubble: even if you are an endless romantic, love at first sight won’t do the trick. Love is not about releasing one from the anxiety of ending up alone. Even if butterflies are having a party in your stomach everytime you see that person, even if you feel like you are literally melting into his arms like butter in a hot pan, you still gonna have to do the work of finding out if this person is your match.
Because love is not only a noun, it’s also a verb. You won’t find it as much as it won’t find you: you experience it. In a world of instant gratification, I am telling you: some things are still worth waiting for.
The path to get to feel it is the same, whether you think it was love at first sight or you never thought you would end up with that funny looking dude. Damn, we even sometimes trick ourselves into believing, looking back at our beginnings, that we knew right away, but really?
True love can only be built on solid foundations, ones that take time to be put in place. Just like there is not much point to yoga if you don’t ground yourself at first before stretching the spine and creating space for the breathe, nothing will ever come out of a relationship without a strong anchor, except maybe a rollercoaster of emotions through the highest highs and the lowest lows.
You are the anchor, and so is your partner. Two anchors getting hooked. Nothing is happening if both of you don’t have that strong core. You can move your arms and legs around, but it will be floppy and you will fall.
I know, sometimes it’s easier and way more fun to just go for the ride and surrender completely to the passion and the fireworks, but I promise after a couple of days you’ll start to get dizzy and will be done with the amusement park.
A nice dinner and a slow walk might not be as sexy, but when you are in great company, who knows how the evening will end? It might not sweep you off your feet right away, but you might eventually get to walk on clouds on a daily basis.