5 : 30 am. Seems like nobody’s awake. The sun is still resting in some other part of the world. Boyfriend next to me is warm, calming, his whole body slowly moving with the rhythm of his breath. Even the cats seem to finally be quiet, after a night of playful games.
It’s 5: 30 am and I can’t sleep anymore. I think I’m done. It is time to get up. It is time to quit the comfort of our bed, the sweetness of the dark, to face a new day.
However, no matter what is up front, there is always that bit of fear inside me, that little voice telling me “But what if I fail?”
I can’t listen to it. If I did, I would probably still be in my bed now, hiding behind multiple layers of blankets, terrified. So I jump. Down the bed. Feet on the floor. Out of the door.
Slowly, as I move through the upcoming day, I find momentum. It is becoming easier and easier. I am warming up, just like on my yoga mat. I keep on rolling, just like on my bike. I find myself enjoying whatever I am doing. Life is fun. I get excited about projects, people, stuff. I want to stay awake all day and all night, I want to be like a cat to get multiple lives to accomplish everything I have on my bucket list, all those things I want to do and never feel like I have enough time to.
Then comes the bump in the road. An article to write at work, a specific workout I wanted to try, a call to make to a long time friend. All of a sudden, I am back at the starting line. No motivation at all. No desire to exit my comfort zone, to jump out of bed. In fact, I would love to go back to sleep, like now. Life is exhausting.
But I have to do it. There are deadlines you know, and obligations to fulfill. So I do it. I start slow, to realize after all it is really not that bad. I am back on track, having fun again.
Motivation follows action. That’s when I realize all that time that again, it was deep down that little voice ushering “What if you fail?”, “What if you are not the best?” that was keeping me from simply starting whatever I wanted to do.
Don’t let that voice keep you from embracing your life. And if in the end, motivation does not show up at your door, let it go. It simply wasn’t meant to be. Listen to yourself. Rest. Savasana . As my yoga teacher once told us, when you are unsure if you should practice or not let’s say because of a cold, show up on your mat, and simply practice a few sun salutations. Nothing too big. Then you will know if it’s mental fatigue or if you are physically drained, and you will be able to take a decision. The outcome doesn’t matter. What matters is that you made a conscious choice, you tried, and fear did not stop you.