Growing up, I can’t remember not being one of the cool kids. Always was part of a if not the popular group, even sometimes as some sort of leader. I was often the one bringing people together. Therefore can anyone tell me how I managed to wake up one day at 24 without a single friend?
At the time, it didn’t bother me. Why would I ever need friends with such a wonderful boyfriend and a closeknit family?
Then one day the family moved, and the boyfriend left.
Just like I had no idea what love was about before losing my first true love, I had no idea what friendship was about up until this year. Some things you take for granted, I guess. Or maybe I’m just a very slow learner. I somehow never picked up the basics. Shouldn’t we have covered that in kindergarden? Where was I at that time? For sure I killed it when it came to drawing the perfect triangle, but I would have failed the BFF test.
Guarded by angels, when all things fell apart I had the chance to be able to count on a few friends I had previously met randomly throughout the years. Since then, I have been cherishing those friendships like the apple of my eye, being lucky enough to add a couple more of those gems to my entourage. At 28, I am rediscovering the joy of friendship.
Nowadays, our partner gets to carry our world on his/her shoulders. Our person becomes almost our one and only. That can be a blessing as much as a curse. I tend to believe it’s more of the latter. The pressure is on, which takes away some of the pleasure.
I guess that’s why friendship feels so good. With friends not only we get to be ourselves, we also get to be loved exactly because of that. Friendships give you the freedom of choice : you are always free to stay or leave. It’s about sharing a purely disinterested and generous love. It’s about having each other’s best interest at heart, which often leads to complete and refreshing honesty. You can count on them to call on your BS.
Yes, friends are there for you when you are low, but what I value the most is the blessing of being able to express love on a daily basis. The delight of saying kind words, telling a friend how beautiful she is inside out and how much you love her, for the sake of it. And what about the pride you get when one of them do the work and go through the joys and sorrows of growth? It’s priceless.
The magic also lies in the power of the number. When it comes to true friendship, there is no holding back : the more the merrier. It’s the practice of keeping your eggs in different baskets. Cultivating friendship with a variety of people with different backgrounds and experiences allow you to get a multiplicity of perspectives whenever you are pondering upon a situation. My friends have become my council, my sounding board. It’s a two-way street also. I love getting to know them more, as what they will give me as advice reveal as much of their personality as when they are sharing about their own story.
These life warriors have become my love army. Surrounded by them, I feel supported, protected. Whether in real life, through my yoga and creative communities, or online, through Facebook groups and even podcasts listening, I get to connect on a daily basis with those highly spiritual beings.
My friends are now the most precious things in my life (I should mention I consider my family members as my friends now, given the fact that at a certain age, you get to decide if you still want to keep them close to your heart). As a kid, often times I found myself feeling very alone even when well-surrounded. The school days were long and the parties were boring. I felt like an outsider, and dreamed of the moment where I would be free, where I would find my one and only, he who would gets me deep within my bones.
Experience proved me wrong. What was lacking at the time was not another boyfriend, it was friendship. Despite what we are being told and what we wish to believe, a partner is not the answer. Without a solid, deep, genuine connection as a foundation, I’d rather be single. Between meaningful friendships and one lame partnership, I’d pick without any hesitation the former, because at the end of the day, even if you come back at your place and no one’s there to welcome you home, you are not alone. We get so oversold to the idea that the couple is the remedy for loneliness, when the true panacea can only be found in deep, true connections, whether within the boundaries of a relationship with your S.O. or through the marvellous bonds you establish with friends and family. Time and space are simply illusions, and pure love transcends both. As you lay there by yourself, do not ever doubt that your heart is still very much connected to those who are yours truly. You are not alone my friend. I love you.