So much to do

March 31, 2019
Lazy machine

“You. Are. A. Machine.”

I don’t have enough fingers and toes to count on the number of times someone told me that.

In every area of my life.

Back when I was running (can’t believe I was once what we call a runner), three to four times a week on the mountain, I would past most females, as well as a lot of males. I’m *slightly* competitive, I just couldn’t handle not being the fatest runner, which is quite dumb when you have no idea where the person’s coming from, for how long she’s been running, and what she’s training for on that particular day.


The point is, I was still running quite fast, keeping my pace for the whole run, to the top of the mountain and back. And guys were impressed.

Too bad I wasn’t looking for a boyfriend back then.

The comment I got the most, along with the usual “What event are you training for?” and my habitual response :”None, just running for fun”, aka to beat the shit out of me and you and all the other people in my life that make me so angry but can’t say to their face right now, was precisely that one : “Wow. Are you a machine or what?”

Well, what do you think? Of course I’m not a machine. I just do the work. I set my mind, put on my shoes and run until I’m done.

It’s no secret formula.

Same goes with work. I don’t know if it’s spring or what, Aries’s season maybe or Mercury finally getting back on track, but I’m getting this feedback more and more these days about my impressive (or so they say) productivity.

Mind you, I’m not here to brag. I’m genuinely curious as to what I’m doing that makes me able to get things done in a relatively efficient fashion.

I said there was no secret formula, but maybe there is? If so, I’d be the first one to know what’s in my special sauce so to replicate it over and over and make whatever project I’m working on super juicy.

Let’s see.

If I deconstruct my process step by step, it gives something like :

1. Acknowledge the thing.

2. Ask questions.

3. Get my mind around the thing.

4. Give myself a time frame (which usually sounds like, you got one hour before getting back to watching Selling Sunset).

4. Stand in front of the page.

5. Write the thing.

6. Let it rest (if the thing matters to you and you care about it, you do want to sleep on it I swear. Otherwise, skip this one).

7. Revise the thing.

8. Deliver the thing.

Clearly nothing magic here. Isn’t how everyone works?

Maybe the trick lies in point 4.

Everytime I have to deliver something, I do it as fast as possible to get back to reading whatever I want (my tactic when I was in elementary school) or watching Selling Sunset (or Dating around, depending on the mood).

Therefore, I’m far from being a machine. I’m actually very lazy.

From the outside, I might look like a workaholic, with my three jobs, blog and multiple endeavours. But I swear, inside, I’m a large, sluggish larva.

Everything I do is motivated by the idea of getting back to this state of inertia ASAP.

Except there’s so much to do, and so little time. As soon as I sit my mushy larva bottom on the couch to watch another thrilling adventure of top models selling villas on the Hills, I get distracted by the next big shiney object : another project, something else to work on.

Told you, so much to do, so little time.

So I do the thing as fast as possible, dreaming of the time I’ll get back to my fav fixed-in-Botox faces for the next episode.

And I tell myself when I see no chances of the possibility of this laid-back Sunday coming to fruition, instead I’ll work hard now and retire early. And then, I’ll be able to kick back and relax. Finally letting myself be as lackadaisical as one can.

As if that was ever to happen. Me hanging around in my PJs all day at 40? Who are you kidding?

I know, the joke’s on me.

I guess I’ll just have to deal with the fact that my motivation to go hard and fast comes from my desire for slowness and rest.

A constant struggle between my lazy human self and my very driven soul. This inner battle between my earthly self looking for the materialistic pleasures and ease in this abondant life and my spirit’s desires of radiance and service to others.

So much to do, so little time.

Nothing wrong here. I’ll just keep playing this little trickster game with myself, the angelic part of me who knows we’re def here to leave a legacy telling the earthly human looking-for-softness-and-comfort-and-sugar-and-chocolate-and-Selling-Sunset side of me that soon we’ll rest.

Soon, as in when we’ll get back to the infinite life, free of this body, already looking forward for the next ride on Earth.

As Yogi Bhajan says, it’s up to you to direct your mind and elevate the earthling to become the angel.

So to answer your question, no, I’m not a machine. Just like you, I’m one third animal, one third human, one third angelic. I’m simply choosing my altitude.

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