Forget about the list.
I know, it’s quite tempting to write down all those criteria you’re looking for in your dream partner and pray that the one will come if you believe in it strong enough.
The thing is, it does work. Be careful what you wish for, because eventually, if you’ve stepped into your worth and have become magnetic, you will find yourself on a date facing that perfect on paper person who loves peanut butter as much as you do, is also a hardcore Harry Potter fan, makes six figures selling cool shit on the Internet and practices yoga on the daily.
And then you’ll realize that it’s not what you really want, or need. That is, if you’re lucky enough to stop yourself from getting into this relationship with your too-good-to-be-true manifested partner, hoping he’s finally the one who will be capable of satisfying all your needs. Because even if you’ve Marie Kondoed the shit out of your list, keeping only exactly what you believe brings you joy, the expectations are still too high.
At this point, I strongly believe you can’t enter any partnership with the intent of getting something out of it. Whether in business or in love, it really comes down to what you’re giving. Always. Jab, jab, jab, right hook, as GaryVee would say.
Love, and it aslo applies to business as well from what I’ve seen with the entrepreneurs I admire the most, is not a transaction. Love is a sacrifice. You’re in it to offer the best out of you, because it makes you feel freakin’ amazing to do so. What you’re getting out of it is the joy of contributing, maybe, to someone else’s happiness.
So I was wrong. It’s not about me. It’s not about finding someone who can hold all of me.It’s about finding a person I truly believe in, someone I love and admire, and put all my energy to amplify him. Trusting my gut that if it feels right, I will too receive x10 what I give in some way or another.
A powerful relationship where both parties get expanded.
Sorry, there’s no list for that. The only way to step into this special relationship is to put down your pen and paper and get out there. Show up, having faith that if you’ve listened to all the pings and dings and dongs and notifications your soul and guides have been sending you, the person in front of you is exactly the person you need to be giving your all in this precise moment. Offer your presence, kindness and attention over those Spritz you’ve ordered to get through the awkwardness of a first date. And listen with all your heart to what they have to share right now.
Already, if that’s all you do, even if there’s no chemistry (oh, that precious chemistry we’re all looking for at first sight), you’ve already done a lot. You’ve taken the time to acknowledge the magnificence of another human being. You’ve discovered another soul. You’ve connected somehow, opening a new portal, creating a bridge between two lights. You’ve made the world a little brighter on a cold and gray Sunday afternoon.
May we take each encounter as a pearl in itself. We might only be able to see the whole necklace take form when looking back. For now, all that matters is that we get to appreciate the wonders of this one, unique, very special pearl for what it is : nothing close to perfection, yet so precious. It’s up to you to decide if you want to polish it over the years, or leave it as it is. But not matter what you choose, it’ll always stay a valuable little pearl to be cherished.
“I still remember that we as human creatures are nothing but a shadow of love. The only transformation, which we have to have, is from the shadow of love to become the light of love. If you think life has any other purpose than that, you are very badly mistaken. All education, all possessions, all money, all muscles, all tricks, all trades, all lying, all cheating, all deceiving, all truthfulness, boasting, big things, call it anything, it doesn’t matter, has only one purpose, that somehow you can slide down from the shadow to the light of love. I am asking you whether you know what love is or not? Love is selflessness within yourself. The love you know, it won’t work”
– The teachings of Yogi Bhajan, December 11th, 1983