I will not be a yoga teacher. Not yet. Definitely not yet. At least not yet. And it is perfectly okay.
I have been practicing for more than 12 years now. In 2012, I completed a 200-hour teacher training. I am certified by the Yoga Alliance to teach yoga. But I won’t.
I will not teach yoga because I work full-time, and I am also registered as a full-time student, since I am doing a Master’s thesis. I also take the time once a week to write to you guys, and to prepare a Weekly Note for those who want to make sure to not miss any post. I am also the girlfriend of an amazing guy, and the mother of two wonderful cats.
Those things take time. To reenergize myself, to find balance, I turn myself to yoga. Through the end of my undergrad, through the beginning of my adult life, as I was finding my first full-time job, moving in with my boyfriend, starting my Master’s, yoga has been there for me. On my mat, I get back to my breath, I work hard, I have fun. I discover myself over and over again.
But being an INFJ means that I am always looking for the next big thing, always working on myself to improve, to be a better person. I am a maximizer, uneasily satisfied with the statu quo. I want to perform. And that meant to me that I couldn’t resist wanting to make good use of what I learn in my practice. Therefore, the next step was inevitably to become a yoga teacher.
Through classes, I am not only focusing on how to perform a pose, how to stay still, how to understand what is going on: I am also focusing on how could I teach this posture if I had to one day. A part of my mind is in the moment, another is occupied thinking how I could teach it eventually. Unconsciously, I am adding some pressure on myself: if I can’t perform that pose, how will I ever be able to teach it?
That was then. Until I realized that I am not there yet. That right now, I have neither the time or the energy to teach yoga. That right now, it is perfectly okay to enjoy being a student. I do not have to teach yoga. Teaching doesn’t have to be the next step. Things, sometimes, can be there simply for us to take pleasure out of them, without any other objective.
Eventually, maybe, one day, I will teach, but I don’t have to think about it now. If it comes, it’ll come. We’ll see. Because learning to be with what is right now is also part of the practice. Which leads me to realize that yoga is more than asanas. So maybe, indeed, I already am a yoga teacher.