Life

The list

March 24, 2018
The list

I’m a firm believer in lists. I basically swear by them. They are the solution to any chaotic state of mind. They are my light in the dark, my solid rock in the mud. If everything ever goes wrong, my lists are the lifebuoy that keeps my head out of water at all times.

This is not some trend I got from the World Wide Web. For as long as I can remember, they have been part of my daily life. Clearly BFFs.

As a child, I made sure to list all the things I was pretending to be EVERYTIME I got to play with someone else. I wanted to make sure the other kid knew that I had been around, knew what I was talking about. I was going on and on, listing all my achievements and past successes. If we were playing jungle game, I had to pretend to have been all the animals. Prince and princess? Been there, done that. I was telling my little friends that I had been engaged,  married, separated and divorced (didn’t know at the time what was the difference, but I wanted to make sure everyone knew how much I had been going through). Actually, I was more interested in making the list than actually playing the game. Big power trip, I know.

Growing up, I made lists of homework to do, clothes to buy, books to read, spells to cast. I guess my Virgo Moon really enjoys to roll by the structure lists bring to my life.

I still use them daily. So much it has become second nature, I don’t even think about it anymore. I organise all my projects at work using them, with long weekly lists, shorter daily ones, and a top priority baby list as the day unfolds. Even at home, my little black Moleskine is always open to the weekly schedule, ready to welcome more items in beautiful lists I created for each area of my life. You can call me a freak, I don’t care, I will simply add you to the list of people who already told me that.

While you are laughing at me, I am crossing things off my lists. This, my friends, is the power of a good list. There is something happening when you put pen to paper. Write it down, don’t think about it twice and just do it.

So why not use that magic for things way more important than grocery shopping and house fixing stuff? As your devoted guinea pig, I started testing it. I confirm: this damn thing works.

Since starting a more regular journaling practice last January, I have been manifesting all sorts of things without even thinking about it. My process? I let myself be wild, letting it all out, going crazy thinking about visions and dreams, writing every freaking idea I get. From all the nonsense eventually emerges some sort of list for what I want. Then I let it do its magic. The clarity brought by the list puts things in motion. For me, writing it down has become the first step to making it happen.

Using this magnificent tool in my career, I manifested some incredible opportunities. I dared to get out of my Snuggie and explore the world. I wrote emails, followed pings, and got great feedback. Sometimes, all the criteria mentioned on my list was there for a specific project. It seemed too good to be true.

In fact, to tell you the truth, it was too good to be true. That’s when I realized that I had forgotten about one, key piece, very hard to pinpoint with a list : freedom.

We are always evolving, forever expanding. My lists can’t handle this strong desire to go above and beyond. They only catch a fraction of my being, one small fragment of my soul. No matter how many criteria I put on my lists, even if all the boxes are checked , I can’t ever lose sight of what I am truly looking for beyond the piece of paper: a feeling, a sensation, my own unique version of whatever is written down. Success is not so much about reaching goals, but more so about living by your values, which can take oh so many forms that even the best writer can exactly describe.

The more growth I experience, the more I can’t deny that no matter how great the job is, it will never be enough to keep me satisfied. It will never keep up with me. The only way out of this will be to eventually create my own path. Freedom, joy and being of service are leading the way.

Which brings me to the one and foremost important list I ever made: my person’s list. I have been writing it over and over, adding some requirements, removing others, without ever getting to a point where I felt pleased with the result.

So many of us make up our list and start to believe we know what to look for in a person. Except often it doesn’t work that way. We are dealing with ultra complex beings, souls having a human experience. No matter how great your list is, it will never be able to grasp whatever your soul is reaching for. What applies for your career also applies to your love life. Beyond a list of criteria to be met, there is truly only one thing you are looking for: a feeling, a sensation, your own unique version of whatever is written down.

Just like the Universe, I am big and bold, and have no intend of ever stopping this movement of expansion. Therefore, more than beautiful eyes and charming smile, I need to know : can you hold all of me?

Can you hold all the joy, the happiness and the laughter? All the pain, sweat and tears?

Are you strong enough to hold me in the morning and at night? Can you handle all that love and the light, the shadow and the dark?

Can you allow me to be whatever expression of myself I am on a given day, embracing it fully?

Do you dare to reach higher and dive deeper with me, expanding along my side?

I’m a lot to handle, but if you are in for the ride, I will be forever yours.

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